Rigby Gets Educated
by I Lost My Buh-Lance
Summary: In order to win a free hand-held video game console, Rigby must answer five difficult, trivial questions from a radio station. Is he smart enough to answer said questions?  This is a oneshot


_Author's Notes: This is my second Regular Show fan fiction. I disclaim Nintendo, Regular show itself, Mordecai, Rigby, Pops, and Skips, and various other stuff I may have forgotten to mention_

**Rigby gets educated**

'_Twas a regular day…in a regular house…with a regular raccoon…in a regular show._

Rigby sat at his desktop computer, typing up random things on google, particularly random videos that he believed would give him a good chuckle.

After hours of searching in vain, he found absolutely nothing humorous, so he decided to do one final thing before he would lay on his couch for hours doing nothing productive with his time. He would check his e-mail.

He went on yahoo and clicked on the "Mail" link on the left-hand side of the webpage. He typed in his e-mail address and his password and clicked "Sign in".

Once he was there, his inbox contained zero messages. However, his spam box contained two messages; one was advertising a "free laptop" giveaway at their local computer tech store, while another one was from their local radio station, advertising a free Nintendo 3DS if they called in to city hall to answer five trivial questions, all from various subjects, including history, science, mathematics, literature, geography, and other things. The questions would be asked at random, forcing the answerer to stay on their toes and be sharp.

"Wow," uttered Rigby, his mouth turning into an oval and his pupils shrinking in excitement. "Answer five dumb questions and I can get a free 3DS?"

Rigby leapt off of his rolling chair and dashed all around the house on all four legs, hollering "_Mordecai! Mordecai! Where are you?"_

Rigby scurried along the hallway, peering into various rooms as he sped by them to see if his friend was in there.

But no, Mordecai was not in any room Rigby scurried by, except for one room in the corner.

It was shut, and there loud music coming from it. Rigby stopped in front of it, and scratched his head in curiosity.

"Hmmmm," thought Rigby aloud, scratching his tail, "maybe Mordecai's in here…"

Rigby reached for the doorknob, and he turned it slowly. Just as the door creaked open, loud booming music slapped his face.

What stood in front of a laptop on a wooden desk, was Mordecai, dressed in a large, pale yellow banana suit, clutching a rubber chicken in one hand, and a large paper clip in the other. He was leaning over, staring at something on the screen with a large grin on his face.

When Mordecai turned towards the doorway, he cried out in fear. He instantly closed the window of what he was staring at.

Rigby's eyes widened and he screamed, "_Mordecai!"  
_

"_RIGBY!" _cried out Mordecai. "_I CAN EXPLAIN! THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, I SWEAR!" _ Mordecai's eyes shifted from left to right rapidly, with bits of sweat trickling down the sides of his feathered head.

"_OH MY GOD," _shrieked Rigby, slamming his paws on his cheeks_, " I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M SEEING!"_

Mordecai's teeth chattered and his knees quaked in nervousness. He was caught red-handed. There was no way he could talk his way out of this one.

Rigby sprinted across the room, stopping right in front of Mordecai. He bent down and picked up an old potato chip on the floor.

"_I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS POTATO CHIP IS STILL GOOD," _hollered Rigby over the loud, booming music as he observed it by rotating it, "_IT'S BEEN ON THE FLOOR FOR MONTHS!" _The Raccoon then plopped into his mouth and chewed it thoroughly. When he swallowed it, he shuddered manically, and his neck twitched violently, and foam began spewing out of his mouth. He took a deep breath clutching onto his chest, giving off the appearance that he was about to suffer from an extreme heart attack. But then, he said, "Eh, it tasted kinda bitter."

Mordecai then reached for the speaker button and pulled down the colossal volume pounding it's way out of the audio speakers.

"So, uh, what were ya' sayin', Mordecai?" asked Rigby.

"Uh…" began Mordecai, trying his hardest not to stutter, "…heh heh…nothin'. Forget about it."

Rigby blinked twice, and then shrugged his shoulders. "Anyway," said Rigby, growing excited, "Mordecai, I can win a free Nintendo 3DS if I answer a few questions! Doesn't that sound _awesome_?"

"Dude, that's sick!" exclaimed Mordecai, grinning, " What kind of questions, anyway?"

While raising his shoulders in a shrug and staring up at the ceiling, Rigby replied with "Oh, you know, science…math…science _and _math…math and _science_…did I mention science? Or math? What about math and science?"

Mordecai frowned, and said, "Uh, yeah Rigby, you said…_all _of those."

"Well then?" said Rigby, grinning and raising and lowering both of his eyebrows in unison, "Wanna help me study for it?"

Mordecai smirked and covered his grin with his hands. "Study? You've never studied for anything, dude!"

"Yeah, well," muttered Rigby, rolling his eyes and placing his paws on his hips. "_Now _it's for a good cause. I can get a free Nintendo 3DS, unlike in school where you just get, like, a dumb piece of paper telling you that you're smart or something useless like that."

"Hmmmm…" pondered Mordecai out loud, placing one of his feathery wing-tips on his black beak, "Ok then, we'll start studying."

**Ten minutes later…**

Rigby sat on the left side of the couch, rubbing his knuckles on his chest, feeling confident that he could answer all of Mordecai's question like a breeze.

Mordecai had changed out of the banana suit and held a textbook of various school subjects, ranging from science, history, math, and literature.

The blue jay skimmed it, trying to find average questions to test Rigby's intellect.

Finally, he found a good enough section. Mordecai grinned and announced, "_Ok!_ Ya ready, dude?" Rigby smiled back, cracked his knuckles, "_Oh yeah, bring it on, baby!_"

"Hmph-hmph," said Mordecai, nodding his head, and he read a question from the math section.

"Ok, question number one: _'What's two squared?'"_

Mordecai looked up and gazed at Rigby, smiling and excited to hear the correct answer. He witnessed Rigby pondering it, with his paw on his chin and his striped tail wagging back and forth. Then, he gazed up at Mordecai and said, "Mordecai, you can't '_square'_ a number two!"

Mordecai's smile instantly turned into a frown and he arched his eyebrow.

"Huh?" interrogated a baffled blue jay, "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, isn't it kinda obvious?" explained Rigby. "A number two is _round _at the top. It kinda makes like a half of an oval shape thingy. There's no way you can turn that top part into a square. _Duh! _Whoever came up with that question is, like_, _a_ moron. _Next question." He then leaned back and smiled, proud of his response.

Mordecai stared at him dumb-founded, and he read the textbook's answer; _**four. **_He gazed at Rigby once more, embarrassed, and then he began shuffling to the _easier_ math equations in the book.

"Um, ok, here's a good one: _What's two plus two_?"

Rigby scoffed at it, and he said, "Isn't it obvious? _Twenty-two_! Jeez, Mordecai, you could at least challenge me a little with this stuff, it's not like I'm getting all of these math questions _wrong_, ya know."

Mordecai stared down at the answer. Again, it was _**four**_.

"Uh, you know, Rigby," said Mordecai, shuffling to another subject, "you seem to know a lot about numbers and stuff. How about we move on to history, huh?"

Rigby yawned, and scratched behind his ear. "Whatever floats your boat, kid."

Mordecai began skimming the history section, and his eyes fell on a good question.

"Ah, here we go: _Who was Napoloeon Bonaparte?"_

Rigby rolled his eyes. To him, the questions were all so simple. "He's that guy who danced for all those people on stage and helped Pedro become president." Rigby snapped his paws and also added, "Oh, and whoever edited that book is a big dummy. His last name is _'Dynamite'._"

**After so many questions…**

"'_What is a cell?'"_

"_It's a phone."_

"'_Name Three of William Shakespeare's written works'?"_

"_Uhhhhh…'The Cat in the Hat', 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy', and 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid'."_

"_Name the country to the south of Canada."_

"_Mexico, obviously."_

**Every question Rigby answered, Mordecai would look at the answer, smile, and then nod. Mordecai just felt pity for Rigby. He was going to embarrass himself in front of people on live radio.**

"Uh…heh-heh.." smirked Mordecai, trying to force a grin on his face. "Yeah, Rigby, you, uh, got them all correct. Why don't you call the number and, try to win that Nintendo 3DS, huh?"

"Yeah", chuckled Rigby, "your questions were way too easy. I can win that 3DS _without _studying."

Mordecai and Rigby sat next to the phone, preparing themselves for it. Just as Rigby was about the grab the phone and punch in the numbers, Skips the yeti skipped his way into the room, and interrogated in his deep, gruff, raspy voice, "Just what the 'H' are you guys doin' sittin' around? Didn't Benson ask you to trim the crabgrass?"

"Yeah he did," said Mordecai, staring at Skips, "but we gotta do something really quick first." 

"What?" 

"Rigby's gotta call into the radio station to see if he can win a free Nintendo 3DS."

"'Free?'" cried out Skips, pointing at Rigby, "the only way he gets somethin' _'free'_ is if he _steals _it!" Rigby rolled his eyes and picked up the phone, and began punching in the number.

As it rang, Rigby quickly said, "Hurry up, turn on the radio!" Mordecai sprang up and dashed over to the radio and adjusted it to the station, and the Disc jockey's voice announced:

"_Yeah, so how about you and me get together after we get outta this crap-hole and uh, you know, go over to my place and uh…oh, are we live? Oh crap!"_

They could all hear the woman run out of the room, and the shuffling of the disc jockey trying to grab the microphone and organizing all of his things.

"_Uh, heh-heh, hello there, ladies and gentlemen! We're getting ready for our annual free electronics giveaway, were we answer calls from anyone who thinks they can answer our five trivial questions."_

"Oh man," said Rigby, as the call was transmitted, "I'm probably the millionth caller today! They've probably given away a bunch of Nintendo 3DS's. Aw, this is gonna be a piece of cake!"

"_Hello, you are the __**first**__ caller to be brave enough to try and answer our five question quiz! I must tell you, these questions are very, very tricky! What is your name, caller?"_

Rigby' pupil's shrunk as his mind suddenly went blank at the question. He turned to Mordecai and Skips and whispered, "Mordecai, Skips, what's my name? _I forgot!"_

Mordecai arched his eyebrows and replied, "Dude, it's _'Rigby'!"_

Rigby turned back to the phone and screamed, "My name is '_Dude, it's Rigby'!"_

"…'_Dood Izriggbee', eh? Ok then, Dood, are you ready for the first question?"_

"I dunno," replied the nervous Rigby, "I thought the question about my name _was _the first question. It was a tricky one, and no, I wasn't ready for it. But it looks like I just answered the second one. Now give me the third."

"_Wait a minute, are you playing a joke on us?"_

"No, I'm not. Next question, please."

"_Wait, what did you say?"_

"I said, 'no, I'm not playing a joke on you.' Now give me that final question!" Rigby was excited and flabbergasted at just how simple this quiz had just gotten.

"_Are you nuts? What're you talking about?_

"Nope, I'm not nuts. And I'm talking about how I just answered all of your questions, including _this _one. By the way, that technically wasn't _five _question. That was _six _questions. Are you trying to rip me off?"

The disc jockey had no idea what to explain. By now, he was getting a bit angry and frustrated, so he explained,

"_No, no, no! The questions you answered are none of the questions you need to answer to win the 3DS. Now, would you like to begin the test to do so?_

Rigby groaned and gritted his teeth, and he replied in an irritated tone, "Fine then, gimme the questions."

"_Ok, the rules are simple. I ask you five questions from five random categories, and you're only allowed to get just one wrong. If you get two wrong, you lose. Understand?"_

"…"

"_Do…you…under…staaaaaaaaand-uh?"_

"Ehhh…I think so…"

The disc jockey sighed and replied,

"_Close Enough. Now, question number one; What scientific instrument did Anton Van Leeuwenhoek revolutionize?"_

Rigby stared blankly at the wall, blinking over and over again. He turned his head and stared at Mordecai and Skips, hoping for an answer from them.

Mordecai frowned and raised his wings in a shrug, while Skip shook his head with his eyes closed.

Rigby turned back around, with sweat trickling down the sides of his head, and he smiled a toothy grin and answered, "Uh…heh-heh… uh, the Electric Triangle?"

"_Oooooooh. Sorry, Dood. The answer was 'The microscope'."_

"Crap," said Rigby, slamming his paw on his forehead, "That was on the tip of my tongue."

"_Question number 2; what is the quadratic formula?"_

Rigby froze again, not knowing what even a "formula" was, let alone a "quadratic" one. But then, Skips' voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Wait, I actually know this one!" Skips skipped over towards the phone, and he grabbed it from Rigby and said, "Hey, I know the answer. Can _I_ answer it?"

"_Nope, sorry. Only the caller can."_

Skips thought about this for a moment, and then he lowered the phone, coughed a bit, and cleared his throat.

He then lifted the phone up to his ear, and he said, camouflaging his voice, "Uh, yeah, sorry about that. The answer is, 'negative **b,** plus-or-minus the square root of **b** squared, minus four times **a** times **c** divided by two times **a**."

"_That's correct!"_

Rigby's pupils shrunk as he stared amazed at Skips, who handed him back the phone, and walked back to the couch, virtually being careless that he answered it flawlessly.

"_Ok, question number three; What is the name of the geographical area that the pre-Colombian cultures, The Olmecs, The Mayas, and the Aztecs, inhabited?"_

Mordecai picked up his head, and stared over at Rigby, who was already pondering the question, ready to give a highly ludicrous answer.

The blue jay sprinted as fast as he could the second the raccoon opened his mouth, and he clamped his feathery fingers around his mouth, keeping it shut. Mordecai snatched the phone from him, and trying to imitate Rigby's voice, he screamed, "Meso-America! Meso-America!"

"_Correct!"_

Just then, Pops walked into the room, with a silly and jolly grin on his face.

"Oh, hello friends," he said, clapping his hands together, just what are we doing?" 

Mordecai turned to Pops standing at the door, and quickly responded with, "Rigby's trying to win a Nintendo 3DS, Pops. We're helping him out."

"Oh goody," said Pops, smiling even wider. "Maybe I can help him out with it."

Yeah, right, thought Rigby, rolling his eyes. You can't even button your own shirt.

_Ok, question number four; What do rookie gamers often do to win at games, even though they know they suck at them?"_

Rigby suddenly brightened up, and began hollering, "Ooh! Ooh! I know this one! I know this one! It's 'button-mashing'!"

"_Correct! How did you know that one?"_

" I know it because I'm…" Rigby suddenly realized something, and his smile turned into a frown, "a…button…mash…er…"

"_Well, that sucks. Anyway, are you ready for the last question?"_

"Yeah….wait, is that the question itself?"

"_No, no it isn't. The final question is, 'How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop?"_

Rigby arched his eyebrow for a moment, realizing he did not know the answer. He turned towards Rigby and Skips, hoping they would know the answer. Both shrugged and shook their heads. Rigby lowered his head in shame, and was about the declare that he would forfeit, until Pops spoke up:

"I know the answer…"

All three people's eyes shifted to Pops and they all asked the question, "_You do?"_

Pops just smiled a very cheeky smile, and he said, "The world may never know."

"What?" cried out Rigby, slapping the side of his head, "Are you kidding? That is such a dumb answer!"

"Trust me, Rigby," replied Pops, lowering his head, smiling a bit with his eyes closed, "that is the answer.

Rigby grumbled under his breath, and he picked up the phone, and he said, "'_The world may never know_.'"

"_Amazing! You got it correct! Dood Izriggbee, you have just won yourself a free Nintendo 3DS! You may come to our radio station to claim your prize!"_

Rigby hung up, and he stared down at his paws.

"I…I won?" He lifted his head and stared at his friends, "Guys…I _won!" _Mordecai and Pops clapped and cheered, but Skips just stared at him, emotionless as usual and uttered, "Yeah, congrats. Now, who's gonna get it?"

Rigby stopped cheering for a moment, and he shot a confused look at Skips. "What do you mean?" he questioned.

"Well," replied the yeti, "We _all _contributed to answering the test, now who's gonna get the prize?"

**The Next day…**

Mordecai sighed and uttered, "This…_sucks!_"

"Oh, come on now, Mordecai," replied Pops, "at least we can _all _enjoy it!"

"It may not be fun," answered Skips, "but at least it's fair."

Rigby mashed on the buttons, cursing every time his character got hit. When his character died, Rigby groaned and threw his head back.

"Are you done yet?" whined Mordecai, placing his feathery palm on his cheek.

"Nope, I still got 93 lives left to go. When I'm all out of lives, then _you _play."

All three friends groaned in irritation as they waited for Rigby's lives to run out. And knowing Rigby, it was going to take a long time indeed…

Author's Notes: Yes, I'm aware that at the time I'm writing this, the Nintendo 3DS has not yet been released, so please do not mention this in your review. But I certainly hope you enjoyed reading this. Please review it, and be critical. Thank you. :D


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